The key to a happy marriage

Posted: October 21, 2013 in Pro Tips
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Everyone assumes there’s some kind of secret to making a marriage last, and I’m here to tell you, of course there is, and this is it: Have a pass list. A lot of problems arise in relationships because of jealousy, and I’ve found in my marriage the best way to avoid awkward discussions when one of you inadvertently notices an attractive person is to be honest with each other. For most, it’s enough to understand that, while you love your metaphorical Ford Focus and would never want to go for a ride in another car, there’s no harm in admiring any Ferraris or Lamborghinis that pass by you. For us however, we’ve taken it a step further and have each compiled a “pass list”, or to keep the car metaphor going, a list of vehicles we are allowed to take for a spin, should the opportunity arise.

The pass list is a list of people whom we have agreed upon, mostly celebrities, that each of us can get a pass for extramarital romantic activity up to and including sex, with no repercussions should the rare opportunity arise. The individuals who populate this list are chosen and permitted for the unlikelihood of encountering them, because the regret of not taking up the opportunity would be worse than going through with it.

 

The lists can change and grow regularly, but here are the current lineups:

 

My Wife’s Pass List

  • Alexander Skarsgard
  • Tom Hiddleston
  • Seth MacFarlane
  • Simon Pegg
  • David Tennant
  • Kit Harington
  • Joe Manganiello
  • Johnny Depp
  • Justin Furstenfeld
  • Andy LaPlegua
  • (I know there’s more, but these are all that come to mind at the moment.)

 

My Pass List

  • Time-Traveling 1980′s Molly Ringwald
  • Patrick Stewart
  • Enchanted-esque cartoon-to-reality (or vice versa) Ariel from The Little Mermaid
  • Same as above, but with Merida from Brave
  • Simon Pegg
  • Christina Hendricks
  • Karen Gillan
  • David Tennant
  • Alyson Hannigan
  • Time-Traveling 1980′s David Bowie
  • Deborah Ann Woll
  • John Barrowman
  • Emma Stone
  • Emma Watson
  • Stephanie Courtney (Only if dressed as Flo from the Progressive commercials)
  • Morgan Smith Goodwin
  • (Again, probably more, but these are all I can think of right now.)

 

There you have it, the secret to a happy marriage. One final note: The only caveat to these lists is that in the event that either of us has a romantic opportunity with one of our overlapping list members, that the other must be invited for a threesome.

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